Inspired

Today, a dear friend inspired me to pursue something I love to do.


















Thank you.

I'm "It".

My friend, Mary Beth from Irishembi tagged me. I haven't met Mary Beth in person yet, but hope to sometime. We met through an online forum for pregnant women over two years ago. I am lucky to have her as a friend because Mary Beth is intelligent, funny and always there for support. I hope everyone has a friend like her because everyone needs one.

Now, on to the tag. I'm to go into my Pictures folder and find the fourth picture in my fourth file.



This is my fourth darling daughter, Jules on October 14, 2007. Jules was eight months old. Every year, we go to the apple orchard to pick apples and pumpkins. We rode out to the apple orchard on a hay wagon pulled by a tractor. The ride was a bit bumpy, but the girls all loved it. Jules loves apples and would snitch the apple from me everytime I tried a new one. I couldn't help but take a few, no make that several photos of our fun that day.

Thanks, MB for everything.

I tag Shawnnita, Boo and Kerren. Your it. :)

Honest Scrap Award

I have been give the Honest Scrap award by two of my friends, Dani and Kate. Thanks ladies! :) I hope I am up for this...

Here are the rules of the award:

a) List 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

b) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

1. I have to shower every day. It's not a long shower, just long enough to wake me up.

2. I have battled with depression for years and started having panic attacks after the birth of my first daughter. I have found that exercise and taking Passion Flower helps so I opt for a more holistic approach.

3. I started college at 26 years old. It took me that long to get the courage to go. I spent a lot of money on a degree that isn't paying my bills and likely won't ever. I took out entirely too many student loans and wonder if I will ever get them paid off. I wish I had been smarter about choosing my degree and taking out loans.

4. I fear losing my memory. I have moments were my thoughts aren't clear and remembering things isn't easy. It's scary. I fear not being there for my girls and husband and being locked away somewhere all by myself.

5. I love to write, paint, draw and take photographs. I hope to write and illustrate a book for children. I have a few started and hope to complete one and send it to a publisher soon. I would also love to have a career in photography.

6. I use to own, train and ride horses. I loved to show and ride in the rodeo circuits. I gave up my horses for a while because I thought I would get them back one day, but now I am not so sure I will. I miss riding and the freedom that comes with it.

7. I am often afraid to try new things. I am afraid of failing, too. I need to let go of this and move on so I can accomplish my dreams.

8. I love to do nice things for my friends and family. It's never about having the same done for me but about brightening someone's day and letting them know how much I care about them. The one downfall...I let my feelings get hurt if I don't receive a thank you.

9. I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was a little girl.

10. Two of the best dogs I ever owned were Brute, a Golden Retriever, and Sampson, an English Mastiff. Brute was my show dog and we won lots of ribbons. Sam was my buddy. He weighed 220lbs in his prime and was always there by my side...his loyalty still makes me smile.

Well, there are my ten honest things and I hope you find them interesting.

I don't have seven people to send this to that haven't already received the award, so I am passing this onto two people that I don't think have received it, Shawnnita and Kerren, and noting five blogs, Mary Beth, Boo, Jen, Susie, and DD that make me laugh, think or inspire me. I hope that is good enough.

Stories

Everyone has them, but how often do you really listen to the stories people tell about their lives. I can't be the only one who has a relative who will tell the same stories over and over again. I wasn't sure why these memories seem to be favorites of theirs, but I have heard the same stories from the same person more times than I can count or remember. In my younger days, I would listen long enough to know I was about to hear the same story I had heard before and then my mind would wander. I didn't mean to be disrespectful to the story teller. I was just too young and dumb to understand how important those stories were to them and why they wanted to share their memories with me.

I have learned to listen like it's the first time I have heard the story. I try to learn a little more about the story teller and fill in the blanks so I know a little bit more about the person they are, the person they were and the events that shaped their lives. I have also learned that I need to listen to these stories while I can because someday the story teller won't be around to share any more and then I will only have the memories of the story teller and the story.

I understand that by sharing their stories that they are giving me a glimpse into the history of our family. They are ensuring a little part of them lives on because as long as someone is sharing their story they live on and don't we all want to remembered and live on?

Determined

I am determined to make some changes in my life. Some of these changes will likely be easier than others, but that's okay. I am up for the challenge.

I am choosing to lead a healthier lifestyle and to exercise on a regular basis. It's not about a number on a scale...it's about feeling good about myself and being able to do what I want to do whether it's sky diving, running a marathon or playing in the yard with my girls.

I will find time to pursue outside interests. I love my girls, but need a little me time. I will be a better parent for it.

I will continue to re-connect with old friends and try to make new friends while maintaining the relationships I do have. I have some wonderful friends, but most are in another state or country and it would be nice to have a few here.

I am sure there are more changes I can make, but this is my starting point.

More snow

We received another seven inches of snow on Saturday. It was beautiful to watch falling to the ground, but absolutely no fun to drive in.

Here are a few pictures.


The view out my front window.





I love this Oak tree. I am not sure the picture does the tree justice...

Our high temperature today was 20 degrees and we had blue skies with sunshine! I am grateful for such a beautiful day!

Brr!

It's too cold. Our temperature this morning was -1 degree Fahrenheit. It's now -2 degrees and it feels like -19 degrees with the wind chill. I don't mind snow, but I really dislike the bitter cold. It's uncomfortable to be outside for even a minute and even though I am dressed as warmly as I can be.

I am much happier being outside most of the time, but in these temperatures you will find me inside cuddled under a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate.

Snow

A few pictures of recent snow fall.






More pictures to come as winter progresses...

Perfection

Perfection. It's not something I will ever achieve in anything I do, but yet I drive myself crazy at times trying to make my project as close to perfect as I can. My desire to have things just so keep me from doing so many things, like posting here or starting a new drawing.

I have thoughts that I want to share, but can't seem to find the 'perfect' words so I start to write and then stop. I wonder if what I write is good enough, well thought out or worth sharing. I don't want those of you who do read to think I am stupid, crazy, and/or (fill in the blank).

I have always been much harder on myself than needed and am trying to be a little kinder to myself. So here's to letting go of the need to be perfect and to accepting that if I have done the best I can do at that moment that it will be good enough.

Snow

It snowed last night. I went out this morning and cleaned off my car. Jumped in and started to back out when I realized the ground looked like it was covered with glitter. It was as if there were millions of tiny little diamonds scattered about. Everywhere my lights touched the ground glistened. It was so beautiful.

Changes continued...

My dad came to visit on Thursday evening. I expected that he would leave on Saturday, but he surprised me and stayed until today. It was a nice visit. I didn't get a chance to talk to him alone, but I enjoyed the time we were able to spend together. After briefly talking with my dad's friend, I think I understand why his behavior has been a tad unpredictable.

He's been through so much since retiring. He went from being an over the road truck driver to staying at home caring for my mom. He lost my mom. He had to file bankruptcy. He had to leave his home of almost 23 years and move to a small efficiency apartment. He's had to go through seventy years worth of belongings and decide what he wanted and what he didn't.

It sounds bad to say I forgot how hard these changes have been on him, but I kind of did. I think it was self preservation. It was so difficult seeing him go through all of the changes because I know it was devastating to him. I have so wanted to 'fix' things for him so he didn't have to experience all of this because he deserves more than he has right now. I was driving myself crazy with worry. I needed to 'forget' just a little because I couldn't fix things for him and the financial help I have been able to offer has been/is so minimal. I wasn't enjoying my life and I felt so guilty when my dad was struggling and we were not. I needed space to realize I have helped him as much as I could with the resources I have and he knows this, so feeling bad that I cannot do more isn't helping either of us.

My dad's visit was a re-awakening of what I can do to help him. I am committed to offering what financial support I can, but I will also offer him more emotional support. He was always there for me in my times of need, so now it's my turn to step up. It's the right thing to do.